I haven’t written in a while, but things have mostly been going extremely well. Everything except one thing in my life has been close to perfect since October turned into November, and the weather has gotten colder.
This one thing has kind of been a “thing” for a while. But I’ve been ignoring it, and coming up with excuses as to why I don’t need to change it. It’s a habit, and something that I’ve done daily for some time now. And, something that has no longer been serving me for a while, even though it use to bring me happiness in my past and serve me greatly.
So I decided yesterday that I was going to slow down/cut out this habit completely, so that I could feel good about everything in my life, and not just almost everything.
This morning was a little rough for me. My body was sweating. My mind was growing more and more anxious. I didn’t feel good, and it was hard, and challenging, and I needed to throw myself into something.
So I got onto YouTube and watched yoga tutorial videos of how to get into crow pose, and then I went to my living room and proceeded to practice crow pose. And then I started practicing tripod headstands, and then went onto practice my handstands and forearm balances.
For the first time ever today I took a tripod headstand. I took several of them, and held them for long lengths of time. I didn’t even know that I could do this pose. Before today, I’ve only done classical bound headstand.
For the first time ever today I also held a few crow poses! I’ve never really been in that pose, not like I was today!
And it just all blew my mind! What I was capable of, and what my body was capable of, when I stopped a habit that was no longer serving me and threw myself into something that serves me greatly (my yoga practice.)
After close to an hour of practicing these inversions my body was no longer sweating and shaking. My head felt clearer. My heart was pumping, and I felt great. Ecstatic. Proud. More confident
So I decided to continue this trend and head to a yoga class that I’ve been putting off going to for over a month because I’ve been too busy lazing around at home and feeding my habit.
I invited a yogi friend to go with me, and I’m so glad that I did. I told him in the car about my addiction, about my weening, and about how it’s no longer serving me. Sometimes just talking with someone, and getting the words out, and getting it all out into the universe helps. It definitely helped tonight, and taking that yoga class tonight cleared my head even further.
Now I can say that I’m finally working with crow pose. Now I can say that I can do two types of headstands instead of one. Now I’ve just spent a day doing great things with my body and my mind, instead of curled up on my couch in the fetal position crying, sweating, and shaking.
Wow. What a beautiful day this turned out to be.
Thank you for reading if you read to the end, but I needed to get that all out. I need to get this habit, this dependency, out of my system, but I’ve got a strong headstart on it by making some good choices today.