Dim Sum Dinner Dates, iPhone Upgrades, Wedding Planning, and Snow Day Let-Downs.

I’ve been in a funk for the last week or so.  Alana and I had a bad fight last week, hurtful words were said and trust was breeched.  We’ve talked things out and have found solutions together, but I’m still processing and reeling from it all.

I kinda kept to myself last week, I didn’t tweet much or reply to texts.  We’ve had outstanding dinner plans with our married gay friends Nick and Kris that I badly wanted to cancel because I just wasn’t feeling up to going out.  But then I figured that laughter, drinks, and good company would be a good change of scenery, so I threw on clothes and trudged on out.

I’m so glad that we went out, everyone had a blast.  We went to our favorite dim sum restaurant in D.C., and then back to their apartment afterwards.  We played with the litter of puppies that their boxer recently gave birth to, we drank wine and beer, and played cards against humanity.  I was tipsy, and laughing, and the awful foggy week started fading away.

I’ve been fighting with Verizon all month because I was having issues “edging up” to a free iPhone six plus on my plan, but after three hours in their store Saturday I finally left with one! It’s perfect, and shiny, and it’s making me happy.  That, plus the fun time Saturday night has me in better spirits.

IMG_4074 Another cool things that happened this weekend was that we completed two major wedding planning steps!  We booked a photographer, which is a huge step, and also very uplifting after the let down with the first photographer we asked.  We also found an officiant to marry us, and it’s none other than our amazing gay friend Kris!

He offered from the backseat of Alana’s car on the way home from dinner, and we were thrilled right away.  We love him, and his husband.  He has good energy, a clear voice, and he’s an intelligent and thoughtful soul.  This wedding is really coming together, and much more smoothly than we anticipated.

I talked with and texted a possible DJ today as well.  We will be meeting with him the next time he flys into the area!

I’m definitely feeling better after dinner, the new phone, and the wedding planning.  However, our entire area was collectively hoping for a “snow day” today that did not come! It’s the third or fourth time this year I got hopeful for a snow day, and then had to end up cleaning off my car and driving into work on wet, gloomy, slippery roads.

The snow is really coming down right now, but I don’t want to get hopeful again.  This month has been a crazy knot of emotions.  I’ve felt simultaneously stressed, disappointed, and anxious about the wedding planning, but also delighted, excited, and pleased with it as well.  I’ve spent so much time with friends and family, but maybe not enough on my own.

I knew this year was going to be intense, but man am I on a ride! All I can do though is hold on tight, and try and enjoy the scenery.

I hope this last week of January passes a little less mood-swingy, I’m starting to get whiplash from all the highs and lows.

These First Fourteen Days

We are only fourteen days into 2015, and I feel like so much has happened.  I feel like I’ve lived thirty days, not just fourteen.  This year has been filled with family, friends, and wedding plans in high abundance, and the last few weeks of this month in my calendar are filled with exactly the same.

My Goddaughter’s first birthday party was last weekend and that was a blast.  Alana and I were the only two non family members invited, so it felt like an honor to be there.  It was small and intimate and full of food, wine, and my best friend’s family! Her parents, and their house are like a second family and a second house to me.  Our families have known each other since her and I were seven years old, and I always enjoy spending time with them and my Goddaughter.

We went out to dinner with my extended family the first weekend of this month, and then we went out last Saturday with my third bridesmaid and her new boyfriend.  Both nights involved drinking, love, laughter, and lots of wedding talk! So much has been planned this month, and is continuing to be planned.

We are having dinner with my extended family again this weekend, some friends the next weekend, and then Alana’s extended family the weekend after that.

This is five straight weekends of dinner and time spent with both our families, our friends, and my Goddaughter/2nd family.  My heart just feels about to burst at so much interaction.  We have such an abundance of people, love, and support all around us, and that on top of all the wedding planning has me filled with emotion to the brink.

For the first time since we booked the wedding venue five months ago my parents gave us an amount of money that they will be giving us to help with the cost of the wedding.  It’s more than we were hoping for, and it’s going to help a lot.  They’ve eased the financial stress we’ve been associating with this year.

One huge downside has been that Alana asked a friend of fourteen years, a girl who she’s been very close with, to be the photographer at our wedding.  This girl kindly said no, and that while she loves Alana her beliefs are stopping her from being our photographer.

Alana and I aren’t angry in any way, and we understand.  Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.  It has been a bit of a disappointment for Alana though, and it’s set us back in our plans as well as our budget a bit.  We are on the hunt for a new photographer and that’s stressing me out a bit.  My Mom keeps adding family members to our guest list, and the cost of that is stressing me out a bit as well.

Things are definitely good, just a little intense.  But, we are really getting into the bulk of the wedding planning now, so I wasn’t expecting any less.

I just need to keep reminding myself to be thankful for the abundance of people and love in my life, as well as for the fact that I actually get to have this wedding! These are all luxuries, and things to be grateful for, and all my stress is something my generation refers to as “first world problems.”

Sigh.  Deep breath.  It’ll all be okay.

I wonder if the rest of this year will continue to be as intense as these first fourteen days.

What I Don’t Feel Great About Right Now

I’ve been such the little adult today.  I talked to our wedding coordinator at our venue twice today, and I left her the final installment of our security deposit.  I scheduled a tasting with her later this year, I got information about the hotels for our guests nearby, and I’ve already contacted a DJ and a photographer whom she recommended.

I’ve browsed the work of the photographer I talked to earlier today as well as three other photographers in the area, and I honestly and truly like the work of our own two photographer friends more.  One of them did our engagement shoot, and our other friend takes much more beautiful photos than these well established photography companies!

I feel so, so good about the DJ our coordinator has been raving about.  I’ve left him a voicemail, and even the personality and tone of the person on the voicemail sounds fun and energetic.

What I don’t feel great about right now is the financial aspects of this wedding.

I just need to sit down and talk with my Mom.  I’ve known from the beginning that I am paying much more for this wedding than everyone else involved in paying for it.  I’ve known it, for months and months, yet actually starting to pay for these things has me a bit stressed.

I think I also feel let down and kind of on my own in a way.  About having to pay for my own wedding, and for so much of it at that.  But what’s confusing about this feeling is that it somehow also feels good.

Like, I feel accomplished and capable, and like I really am an adult who can handle her own life.  Who can make her way in the world.  Combined with the realization that this wedding is actually happening, that I’ve found such an amazing woman to spend my life with puts me over the moon!

But then one single thought about the ten thousand or more we’ll be spending on a townhouse, wedding, and honeymoon by the end of the year takes those over-the-moon feelings and sets my feet back on the ground with slight anxiety.  The money is going to be there, so why am I stressed out about it? How can I start feeling better about having to pay for all of this?

I grew up as a lucky, comfortable millennial whose reality of paying for her own wedding has her world twisted upside down.

I think writing this post has helped, because I’m definitely laughing at myself/feeling a bit more relieved now.  I just need to remind myself to feel grateful to have all of this anyway, let alone a caring, supportive fiancé and a Mom who is probably doing her best to help out.

My New Happy/Laughing Buddha Pendant to Take Into My Wedding Year

As an ENFP personality on the Myer’s Briggs scale, I am hugely into symbolism.  I look for symbolism and meaning everywhere, and I am constantly linking things and situations in my life to the weather that day, or a dream, or a gut feeling.

As a female I am hugely into jewelry, and as a combination of these two things, I constantly link jewelry and new jewelry I acquire with new beginnings and new horizons, or as a token to something I’ve moved on from.

While spending the last day of 2014 seeing two different musicals and eating out at different restaurants I came across this happy/laughing buddha from a woman I’ve been buying jewelry from for over a decade.  She specializes in jade jewelry, and as you can see, this laughing buddha is wrapped in an enclosure that’s engulfed in jade.  The buddha himself spins, just like the dial of a compass would, seemingly magnetic.  I love this piece of jewelry.

Happy Buddha  2015 is going to be a year of huge changes for me.  My partner and I are going to be moving in a townhouse, getting married in front of our close friends and family, and then going on a honeymoon.  This year is going to be the most important of my life so far.  It’s also going to come with a long of planning, stress, and huge changes that I know will take some getting use to.

Moving into the year with this pendant is helping all the anxiety that I’m feeling today.  I bought it kind of as a positive affirmation for good fortune, happiness, and good times as I begin my wedding year.  I feel a little less shaky with this little guy swinging around like a compass on my chest.  Or, at least, I’m telling myself that he helps me feel less shaky.

Whenever times get stressful for tough this year, or I feel anxious, I’m going to close my eyes and feel the weight of this pendant on my chest.  I’m going to take a few deep breaths, ujjayi yogi breaths, and remind myself that weddings are supposed to be fun.  And that I need to enjoy this year and not get too caught up in my own head and my own anxieties.

Just typing all of that out made me feel a bit better.  Here’s to hoping that 2015, my wedding year, is a good one, not just for my partner and I, but for all of us.

Namaste!

My Drunk “Farewell to 2014″ Post

I’d just like to say that I’m on my third glass of sangria, and that I may be more than a bit tipsy as I write this.  I might quite possibly be drunk.

The ball dropped sixteen minutes ago, and 2014 was such an amazing year for me that I feel the need to recap the highlights, maybe as a hopeful point to move forward into 2015 with.

In 2014 I became a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Reiki Master.  I became a Godmother, and I booked a wedding venue with a woman I still can’t believe I met.

When this year started Alana didn’t have a permanent full-time job, and our wedding and future plans were completely up in the air.  We had no financial stability, I was mostly supporting the two of us while putting myself through school, and it was a stressful time.

Now we are leaving the year with a deposit down on a wedding venue and save-the-date magnets having been sent to our close friends and family.

The word grateful is a vast understatement.  I’m more than grateful for 2014.  It taught me patience, it re-taught me kindness.  It saw me take more than fifty yoga classes, and slowly change into a woman who I am proud of becoming.

I’m so excited for 2015.  I’ve been ready for it for a while.

I can only hope and dream that it will be as amazing as 2014 was.

Christmas 2014

Christmas this year was filled with an abundance of gifts, food, and family.  As a couple, we received very nice luggage for our honeymoon next year as well as a nice picture frame to hold a few wedding photos.  We got a food processor, more than a few bottles of wine, lots of chocolate, Indian spices to cook with, and a recipe book for our slow cooker.

Alana gave me a beautiful matching necklace and earring set that’s ancient roman glass, extracted from Israel.  My Mom gave me a beautiful opal bracelet, a book, handmade soaps, and beauty products.  I got a few gifts cards, and I was able to buy myself new makeup, a new book, and a new sweater.  I’ve received such an abundance of gifts over the last week that my heart feels about ready to burst!

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Alana and I were in a much better financial situation this Christmas as oppose to last Christmas, and we felt really great about the gifts we bought our families.  We spent Christmas day with mine, and everyone had a really good time.

  Yesterday we drove a few hours South to celebrate Christmas with Alana’s family, and that was also a blast.  Her sister has two kids under the age of four, and we just absolutely adore them! My own youngest nephew is fourteen, and my two youngest nieces are ten years old.  I love all five of my nieces and nephews dearly, but I also miss them being babies!  Alana and I happily get our “baby fill” whenever we visit her family.

This was our last Christmas together as an unmarried couple! It’s crazy to think that this was our fourth Christmas together.  The time has flown by, and by next Christmas she’ll be my wife.  =) That thought fills me with more happiness than I can write out right now.

IMG_3926  We are looking forward to many things next Christmas, such as our first Christmas tree, and starting our own family traditions together.  Next year we’ll celebrate Christmas with both her family and my family, as we’ve done for the last few years.

But, next year they’ll be “our” family, and we’ll be having adding a third Christmas celebration to the mix.  One of our own.

I hope you all had a happy holiday season with your own family and love ones.  =)

D.C. Drag Night

Last night Alana and I went out for dinner, drinks, and a drag show with Kris, his husband Nick, and Nick’s sister Amber.  We went to a restaurant and we did exactly what we did last month, which was order drinks and a ton of fattening food.  We all ate to our heart’s content, calories and fat not mentioned once the whole night.  We all talked our heads off because for whatever reason the vibe of us five young adults just clicks together so effortlessly.

And then we drove to D.C. and went to Town Danceboutique, which is a swanky gay nightclub in D.C.  Alana and I had never been there before, and the place was fantastic! The drag show and the drag queens were amazing, talented, and extremely fun.

Titanna and Jiggly Caliente from RuPaul’s Drag Race were there, and they were absolutely phenomenal!  Especially Titanna, she was beautiful, and sexy, and confident and talented.  We all ordered more drinks when we got to the nightclub, of course, and we lucked into getting VIP seats from the wedding party of two men we met there who had just gotten married that night after being together for twenty years!

So needless to say, everyone was feeling great and we all had a great time.  But, that’s enough about how thrilling a drag show can be, and how great a night out with good friends can feel.  Here are the queens. One queen performed “Let It Go” from Frozen, as Elsa, and it was an amazing performance.