Category Archives: My life

D.C. Drag Night

Last night Alana and I went out for dinner, drinks, and a drag show with Kris, his husband Nick, and Nick’s sister Amber.  We went to a restaurant and we did exactly what we did last month, which was order drinks and a ton of fattening food.  We all ate to our heart’s content, calories and fat not mentioned once the whole night.  We all talked our heads off because for whatever reason the vibe of us five young adults just clicks together so effortlessly.

And then we drove to D.C. and went to Town Danceboutique, which is a swanky gay nightclub in D.C.  Alana and I had never been there before, and the place was fantastic! The drag show and the drag queens were amazing, talented, and extremely fun.

Titanna and Jiggly Caliente from RuPaul’s Drag Race were there, and they were absolutely phenomenal!  Especially Titanna, she was beautiful, and sexy, and confident and talented.  We all ordered more drinks when we got to the nightclub, of course, and we lucked into getting VIP seats from the wedding party of two men we met there who had just gotten married that night after being together for twenty years!

So needless to say, everyone was feeling great and we all had a great time.  But, that’s enough about how thrilling a drag show can be, and how great a night out with good friends can feel.  Here are the queens. One queen performed “Let It Go” from Frozen, as Elsa, and it was an amazing performance.

Sex, Video Games, and Gilmore Girls

There were three things that I did in extreme excess this weekend, and they were:

  1. Had lots of mind-blowing sex.
  2. Played hours and hours of video games (Zelda: Ocarina of Time for me, Dragon Age: Inquisition for her).
  3. Watched hours and hours of Gilmore Girls on Netflix.

These two days also included some lovely red wine, lots of chocolate, cuddling, and excited talks about the future.

I wish every weekend could be like this weekend.  We are busy with several dinner plans, Christmas shopping plans, Christmas plans, and plans to mail out our save-the-dates every other weekend this month.  It was good that we got all this indulgence in while we could.

Goodbye perfect, indulgent, lazy weekend, I can already feel Monday on the horizon.

The Homophobia And Fear That My Mom Has Overcome

My Mom first discovered that I was not heterosexual when, at the age of 15, she found a picture of me kissing one of my friends.  She questioned me about it, and I told her that I was bisexual (which I was, at the time).

She informed me right then and there, that I was, in fact, not bisexual, just experimenting.  She told me it was just a phase.  She told me I was trying to be “cool, different, and unique”, and that I was inspired by all the lesbian relationships that had started popping up in movies and t.v. shows.

I knew then that I liked women, and that never changed, and I came out to my mother as a lesbian when I was 19.  And while she told me that she loved me, and that she accepted my sexuality, she still let me know that she didn’t like it and that she would need time to get use to it.

When my now fiancée proposed to me in May of 2012, I was ecstatic. Our friends were ecstatic, our cousins, aunts, uncles, and coworkers were ecstatic, and so were my fiancee’s parents.  My Mother, however, was unhappy.

My Mother and I almost never fight, but we fought through email then.  We sent long emails back and forth, and she explained that she just could not be happy with my choice to marry another woman, and how she wishes it were a man I were marrying instead.  She wasn’t excited about the wedding, or about any of the details involved with planning it, and this saddened me greatly.

The emails finally escalated to a blowout, in which I wrote to her “you’ve had a decade to get use to this, you found that picture when I was 15.  You’ve had a decade, and I’ve always been honest with you, how is a decade not long enough?”

And then, miraculously, she sent back and email saying “you’re right.”

And now, only 16 months later, things have completely turned around.

My fiancé, Mother, and I went to David’s Bridal today to register our bridal party and finalize our wedding colors.  The visit went extremely well, and we all had so much fun.

My Mom and Alana have gotten to know each other so much in the last 16 months.  They cook together, hug, laugh, and complain about me together.  My Mom had fun today looking at bridesmaids colors, and helping us pick out tux and vests colors for our Dads.  I could tell she had fun, I know my Mother.  She’s gotten so excited and pumped for our upcoming wedding.

She replies publicly on Facebook to posts about Alana and I.  She likes things, comments things, and doesn’t hide anything.  I tag her in posts, posts that make it evident that I’m in a relationship with another woman.  Her friends see it, our distant relatives see it, and everything is peachy keen.

Thinking can change.  People can change.  Homophobia/fear doesn’t have to be a lingering ignorance.

My Mother merely needed time, and I’m thankful for that.  I know that I’m one of the lucky ones.

Thankfulness

Thanksgiving 2014.  What I’m thankful for.

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I’m thankful for the abundance of family and friends in my life.  I’m thankful that I grew up comfortably, and that my parents never discouraged me thinking for myself.  I’m thankful that my parents paid for thirteen years of dance classes, and my first car, and that my Mom loaned me the money to go to massage school.  I’m thankful that my family accepts me as the loud, quirky lesbian that I am.IMG_3559
I’m thankful for my body and my health.  I’m grateful that I can take several yoga classes a week, massage full-time, and still feel energetic.  I’m grateful that I have two legs to walk on, I’m thankful for the air in my lungs.  I’m grateful for all the directions in which my spine can bend, I’m thankful that I love my body.Thanksgiving
I’m thankful that I’ve found love.  I’m thankful that Alana and I found each other on the vastness of the internet.  I’m thankful that we’re still happy as we go into our fourth year together, and I’m thankful that we’re paying for our own wedding, because that means that we’re comfortable and that we have everything we need.

IMG_3550I’m thankful for wine.  I’m thankful for Netflix.  I’m thankful that I’ve always known running water, electricity, and heat.

I’m thankful my Mom signed me up for driving school before I ever asked about it.  I’m thankful my Dad took all that time teaching me how to drive an automatic car, and then how to drive a stick shift six years later.  I’m grateful that my brothers played with me so much as I was growing up.

I’m thankful that kind souls exist, that belly laughs feel the way that they do, and I’m grateful that I’ve known so much love and laughter in my life.

I’m grateful for who I’m becoming.  I’m thankful for the internet.

I’m grateful that the world of blogging is a thing, and that I have some place to dump all of these thoughts and emotions.

Namaste, everyone.  I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving as well.

I’m Having Too Much Fun Putting Together Our Save-the-Date Fridge Magnets

Today, on my day off, I decided to take some time and browse a few save-the-date magnets on the internet since we plan to mail ours out before Christmas.

For some reason that I can’t quite understand now, setting this time aside today was causing me anxiety!

Until today I’ve been feeling anxious and stressed out all week.  I’ve just felt like there’s so much on my plate to get done this month, and not enough time to do it all and rest/relax enough.

It’s blowing my mind that this tiny step of wedding planning has been causing me anxiety all week.  It took almost no time to google search save-the-date fridge magnets, and even less time to find a website that is exactly what I was looking for.  This image here is the first rough draft, and the first magnet that I put together.  Not only did I do it all in under five minutes…I had so much fun with it!

save-the-date

I continued to have fun as I put together a few other magnets, browsing different templates, styles, and choices.  As giddiness and excitement replaced the anxiety in my belly, I had a huge epiphany: Why does wedding planning have to be stressful?

It doesn’t.  Point blank, it doesn’t.  I’ve had such a good time putting magnets together this morning, and I still have hours of “me” time to veg out and chill out.  On Saturday Alana and I are planning to put a few of these together ourselves, and possibly make a choice and order them! We also plan to browse the David’s Bridal website because our appointment with them to register our bridal party is next Saturday!

These plans, along with my plan today of browsing magnets has been causing me anxiety. And for what? So that I can end up having fun and enjoying the experience of putting all of this together?!

I’m going to a take a major step back from letting myself become anxious about the wedding planning that needs to be done.  We still have so much time to plan everything and it should be fun!  I should have had the great time I had this morning doing all of this.  It’s our wedding! Weddings are exciting, and we are so excited to be getting married.

Major epiphany.  More fun, less stress.  I’m going to worry less and strive to enjoy all of this planning.

I hope you’re all having a great hump day.  I’m greatly enjoying my Wednesday off much more than my previous anxious mind was thinking I would!

Tales of a Jam-Packed, Fun Weekend That’s Left Me Tired and Burned

This weekend was super busy.  This weekend was jam-packed.  This weekend was full of both family and friends, a movie date, and a bikram yoga date with fellow yogis!

On Friday night Alana and I saw Interstellar in IMAX at 10:45 p.m.  The movie was great and we absolutely loved it, but we didn’t get home and into bed until 3:00 A.M.  I woke up at 7:30 A.M. Saturday morning to meet a few yoga friends for a bikram yoga date.  The class was great, and I enjoyed it, but it was such a small amount of sleep compared to what I’m use to.

After yoga on Saturday Alana and I went shopping for new Winter coat, gloves, and accessories. We both bought beautiful coats for well under $100, which we both felt pleased with.  And then we met Alana’s old high school friend Kris and his new husband Nick for dinner.

Coat

We met at an expensive restaurant that has been recommended to Alana and I for years.  The food was absolutely amazing, but the company was even better.  So many of our friends are already married, and many more of our friends are in the process of becoming married.  But, Nick and Kris are our only gay friends who have married and who’d like to start a family some day.

It was so nice talking with another gay couple.  I think that we, too, are their only gay friends who are taking this plunge.  All four of us are under the age of thirty, but older than twenty-five, so many people in our lives are getting married…but most of these marriages are heterosexual.  Like Alana and I are doing, they also paid for their own wedding! And, just like Alana and I, they have frustrations and many emotions tied in with the process of same-sex parent family planning.

It was so nice and comforting for the four of us to talk about all of this.   They asked us so many questions, and we asked them lots of questions as well.  We all four vented about the huge financial cost it takes for same-sex parents to start their own families.  Kris completely identified with my feelings of “Do I spend thousands traveling, or do I take the said thousands and use it to start a family?”  As I’ve blogged before, I sometimes feel so alone and different with these kinds of thoughts and frustrations, so it was so nice to talk and connect with another gay family about all of this.

After Alana and I got off of work on Sunday we went to my brother’s to celebrate my oldest niece’s and my youngest niece’s yearly joint birthday party.  It was fun, and warm, and welcoming, and there was lots of good food.  I love seeing my family and spending time with them, and 98% of the time I come home from a family visit feeling positive, fulfilled, and happy.

nieces

We came home to our Sunday night shows, Once Upon a Time, and The Walking Dead.  It was a weekend full of family, yoga, work, and friends, but today I just feel drained.  I feel like I didn’t sleep enough, I feel like I didn’t veg out enough.  I didn’t watch a single t.v. show on Netflix, and that amusingly makes me feel kind of sad!

I’m feeling a bit burned out, and so I decided to adjust my schedule this week.  I’m going to sleep in tomorrow instead of going to hot yoga, but I’m going to re-arrange my yoga schedule so that I’m still getting that release.  I’ve scheduled a massage, as well as a few more days to sleep in, since we’ve got the midnight premier of the new Hunger Games movie coming up later this week!

Hoping that I can catch up on some sleep so that I can enjoy the rest of this week.  Last week was pretty stressful and horrible for many reasons, so I’m sending reiki that this week will pass more pleasantly.

I hope you all had a great weekend, and that you’re not already feeling burned out like me!  Until next time, my lovelies.

I’ve Finally Decided To Stop a Habit That Is No Longer Serving Me

I haven’t written in a while, but things have mostly been going extremely well.  Everything except one thing in my life has been close to perfect since October turned into November, and the weather has gotten colder.

This one thing has kind of been a “thing” for a while.  But I’ve been ignoring it, and coming up with excuses as to why I don’t need to change it.  It’s a habit, and something that I’ve done daily for some time now.  And, something that has no longer been serving me for a while, even though it use to bring me happiness in my past and serve me greatly.

So I decided yesterday that I was going to slow down/cut out this habit completely, so that I could feel good about everything in my life, and not just almost everything.

This morning was a little rough for me.  My body was sweating.  My mind was growing more and more anxious.  I didn’t feel good, and it was hard, and challenging, and I needed to throw myself into something.

So I got onto YouTube and watched yoga tutorial videos of how to get into crow pose, and then I went to my living room and proceeded to practice crow pose.  And then I started practicing tripod headstands, and then went onto practice my handstands and forearm balances.

For the first time ever today I took a tripod headstand.  I took several of them, and held them for long lengths of time.  I didn’t even know that I could do this pose.  Before today, I’ve only done classical bound headstand.

For the first time ever today I also held a few crow poses! I’ve never really been in that pose, not like I was today!

And it just all blew my mind! What I was capable of, and what my body was capable of, when I stopped a habit that was no longer serving me and threw myself into something that serves me greatly (my yoga practice.)

After close to an hour of practicing these inversions my body was no longer sweating and shaking.  My head felt clearer.  My heart was pumping, and I felt great.  Ecstatic.  Proud.  More confident

So I decided to continue this trend and head to a yoga class that I’ve been putting off going to for over a month because I’ve been too busy lazing around at home and feeding my habit.

I invited a yogi friend to go with me, and I’m so glad that I did.  I told him in the car about my addiction, about my weening, and about how it’s no longer serving me.  Sometimes just talking with someone, and getting the words out, and getting it all out into the universe helps.  It definitely helped tonight, and taking that yoga class tonight cleared my head even further.

Now I can say that I’m finally working with crow pose.  Now I can say that I can do two types of headstands instead of one. Now I’ve just spent a day doing great things with my body and my mind, instead of curled up on my couch in the fetal position crying, sweating, and shaking.

Wow.   What a beautiful day this turned out to be.

Thank you for reading if you read to the end, but I needed to get that all out.  I need to get this habit, this dependency, out of my system, but I’ve got a strong headstart on it by making some good choices today.